Comments on: Antagony http://killtheliterate.com/poem/antagony/ killtheliterate is a colorado zine collective. there is a blog too || poems, pictures, pomes, photos Fri, 16 Apr 2010 16:47:25 +0000 hourly 1 By: Christopher Bullock http://killtheliterate.com/poem/antagony/comment-page-1/#comment-771 Christopher Bullock Wed, 17 Feb 2010 19:23:22 +0000 http://killtheliterate.com/?p=1105#comment-771 No problem. I actually tried a poetry workshop when i went to school at State U of Stony Brook, NY, and dropped out after the first week. I wasn't sure I wanted to go the 'academic poetry' route. As for the intention of the poem, i think what may illuminate it more is that a lot of my writing comes from anecdotes, eavesdropped-on conversations, and asides i hear while loitering and travelling. Also digressions factor in a big way too. So the main 'intention' or narrative of the poem may be explaining about tough luck, etc, but there are several asides, digressions, jokes, etc just like what would occur during a conversation, or thinking, when a thought is rarely linear. So in keeping with integrity, and the best representation of how my mind works, i include digressions, one-line asides, anecdotes in my poems. Some poems are even meant to convey how difficult it is to convey something. A good analogy is when someone tries to explain something to you, then they try to illustrate it with an example, but the example doesn't make sense, so they give up on trying to communicate. A lot of false starts and flawed attempts at explanation - i personally find that poetic, its how man tries to convey his situation to another man (gender neutral) who honestly doesn't really care. chris No problem. I actually tried a poetry workshop when i went to school at State U of Stony Brook, NY, and dropped out after the first week. I wasn’t sure I wanted to go the ‘academic poetry’ route. As for the intention of the poem, i think what may illuminate it more is that a lot of my writing comes from anecdotes, eavesdropped-on conversations, and asides i hear while loitering and travelling. Also digressions factor in a big way too. So the main ‘intention’ or narrative of the poem may be explaining about tough luck, etc, but there are several asides, digressions, jokes, etc just like what would occur during a conversation, or thinking, when a thought is rarely linear. So in keeping with integrity, and the best representation of how my mind works, i include digressions, one-line asides, anecdotes in my poems. Some poems are even meant to convey how difficult it is to convey something. A good analogy is when someone tries to explain something to you, then they try to illustrate it with an example, but the example doesn’t make sense, so they give up on trying to communicate. A lot of false starts and flawed attempts at explanation – i personally find that poetic, its how man tries to convey his situation to another man (gender neutral) who honestly doesn’t really care. chris

]]> By: saito nozomi http://killtheliterate.com/poem/antagony/comment-page-1/#comment-770 saito nozomi Wed, 17 Feb 2010 06:03:07 +0000 http://killtheliterate.com/?p=1105#comment-770 Awesome, thanks for responding! Just so you know, I didn't mean my criticism to be harsh in any way. I was talking to my friend, and he pointed out it may have come across in a not so considerate way. In truth, I only respond/ criticize (in what I hope is a constructive sense) to writing and writers I respect. Your motivation for capitalization and structure reflecting an inner voice and expressing it materially is interesting, but I'd like to ask, if you don't mind--how does that express the intention of the poem? Awesome, thanks for responding!
Just so you know, I didn’t mean my criticism to be harsh in any way. I was talking to my friend, and he pointed out it may have come across in a not so considerate way. In truth, I only respond/ criticize (in what I hope is a constructive sense) to writing and writers I respect.
Your motivation for capitalization and structure reflecting an inner voice and expressing it materially is interesting, but I’d like to ask, if you don’t mind–how does that express the intention of the poem?

]]> By: chris bullock http://killtheliterate.com/poem/antagony/comment-page-1/#comment-768 chris bullock Wed, 10 Feb 2010 19:35:05 +0000 http://killtheliterate.com/?p=1105#comment-768 thanks for your response. as for capitalization, it usually means the breath is being continued through several lines if a line isn't capitalized. this may not even mean a literal 'breath' but even a 'mental breath' as in the inner voice which reads it. when applied to parentheses, usually it is not as much an issue of significance or importance, but rather that these are almost supporting details to the main idea. it is as much an issue of attention span as of theory, so when a phrase seems too much for one line i break it up as it gives pause to reflect. separating clauses of a sentence into manageable pieces. but mostly time and voice/breath play an issue in line breaks and is usually based on what seemed right at the moment. thats as much as i can think about my motives right now, and i might contradict myself later. thanks for writing! thanks for your response. as for capitalization, it usually means the breath is being continued through several lines if a line isn’t capitalized. this may not even mean a literal ‘breath’ but even a ‘mental breath’ as in the inner voice which reads it. when applied to parentheses, usually it is not as much an issue of significance or importance, but rather that these are almost supporting details to the main idea. it is as much an issue of attention span as of theory, so when a phrase seems too much for one line i break it up as it gives pause to reflect. separating clauses of a sentence into manageable pieces. but mostly time and voice/breath play an issue in line breaks and is usually based on what seemed right at the moment. thats as much as i can think about my motives right now, and i might contradict myself later. thanks for writing!

]]> By: saito, nozomi http://killtheliterate.com/poem/antagony/comment-page-1/#comment-760 saito, nozomi Mon, 08 Feb 2010 06:38:50 +0000 http://killtheliterate.com/?p=1105#comment-760 Hello. I don't know you, and you don't know me, but I connected to your poem. So I am leaving a comment...I hope that is okay. I related to your poem, especially the inescapability that seems to antagonize you, and the tiniest specter of hope that flits in at the end despite all the heaviness and melancholy that pervades existence. Sometimes, I wish I could disintegrate--for expressing such sentiments, your poetry is strong. One thing I might suggest (which I hope is not a bother--I enjoy writing, and I've found workshops are helpful, so I appreciate when people have their own suggestions--maybe thinking you will find this helpful is presumptuous--take it as you will), is to use the text on the page to convey the meaning. Free verse works for reflecting the poem's meaning, simply because the sorrow that pervades is not locked into any specific system (if it were systematic, I would suggest a more structured form, but that is not the sense I get from this--systematic influence could also fit into the tone, but it doesn't seem to define it). So that's fine. The way you establish stanzas works as well. However, I noticed the line breaks, and more specifically the punctuation, seems to be for the purpose of separating ideas and is more systematic in that sense. Yet, once in a while, the punctuation reflects a more tonal influence. For instance, the second and third lines, show: "I don't mean to bring you down, but I probably will." The comma at the end of the second line entails a contrasting thought is to follow, which it does. The period is definitive. In another example, the third stanza only has framing punctuation, which for me conveys a sense of everythingrunningtogether. These are tactics I think could be used more consistently throughout the poem. Then, when the punctuation does appear, it is clear that some sort of shift (as with the comma) or lack thereof is occuring. I think this is especially important for the last stanza and the "particles of light not yet exposed to our contagious darkness down here" >>> I look up and all of a sudden-- I can see into the sun and I see particles of light, not yet exposed to our contagious darkness down/here. Back to the third stanza: I noticed the lack of capitalization, and to me, this indicates the thoughts in the parentheses are somehow meant to be less emphasized (that's also what information inside parentheses traditionally entails, whereas a dash indicates important information lies between, but anyhow, forget tradition--or break it). So, if the lower case does actually imply less importance, why the capitalization in other sections? Capitalized words seem to indicate importance and distinction: i feel sorry for them i feel sorry for everyone If everything is a monotonous amalgamation, nothing needs to be capitalized, until the thought/emotion that breaks the recursive despair. Anyhow, if this was bothersome or arduous, or a waste of time, I apologize. It was enjoyable for me, and momentarily helped me to dis-connect from gravity. Have a lovely day. Hello.
I don’t know you, and you don’t know me, but I connected to your poem. So I am leaving a comment…I hope that is okay.

I related to your poem, especially the inescapability that seems to antagonize you, and the tiniest specter of hope that flits in at the end despite all the heaviness and melancholy that pervades existence. Sometimes, I wish I could disintegrate–for expressing such sentiments, your poetry is strong.

One thing I might suggest (which I hope is not a bother–I enjoy writing, and I’ve found workshops are helpful, so I appreciate when people have their own suggestions–maybe thinking you will find this helpful is presumptuous–take it as you will), is to use the text on the page to convey the meaning. Free verse works for reflecting the poem’s meaning, simply because the sorrow that pervades is not locked into any specific system (if it were systematic, I would suggest a more structured form, but that is not the sense I get from this–systematic influence could also fit into the tone, but it doesn’t seem to define it). So that’s fine. The way you establish stanzas works as well. However, I noticed the line breaks, and more specifically the punctuation, seems to be for the purpose of separating ideas and is more systematic in that sense. Yet, once in a while, the punctuation reflects a more tonal influence. For instance, the second and third lines, show:
“I don’t mean to bring you down,
but I probably will.”
The comma at the end of the second line entails a contrasting thought is to follow, which it does. The period is definitive. In another example, the third stanza only has framing punctuation, which for me conveys a sense of everythingrunningtogether. These are tactics I think could be used more consistently throughout the poem. Then, when the punctuation does appear, it is clear that some sort of shift (as with the comma) or lack thereof is occuring. I think this is especially important for the last stanza and the
“particles of light
not yet exposed to
our contagious darkness
down here”
>>>
I look up and all of a sudden–
I can see into the sun and
I see particles of light,
not yet exposed to
our contagious darkness
down/here.
Back to the third stanza: I noticed the lack of capitalization, and to me, this indicates the thoughts in the parentheses are somehow meant to be less emphasized (that’s also what information inside parentheses traditionally entails, whereas a dash indicates important information lies between, but anyhow, forget tradition–or break it). So, if the lower case does actually imply less importance, why the capitalization in other sections? Capitalized words seem to indicate importance and distinction:
i feel sorry for them
i feel sorry for everyone

If everything is a monotonous amalgamation, nothing needs to be capitalized, until the thought/emotion that breaks the recursive despair.

Anyhow, if this was bothersome or arduous, or a waste of time, I apologize. It was enjoyable for me, and momentarily helped me to dis-connect from gravity.

Have a lovely day.

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